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| All baby's loot! |
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| Adam came at the end when we opened gifts! |
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| Adam loved the changing giraffe from Aunt Holly. I think he may steal it for himself. |
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| Mom, Karen, and I! I think my days of the pink dress are numbered... :) |
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Cleveland Baby Shower!
This past Saturday we had my baby shower in Cleveland. My Aunt Patti planned a wonderful day for me with my family and closest friends. We had the shower at Becky's Bistro. It was the cutest little restaurant and the food was amazing. More amazing was how much our little girl was blessed. For me, the best part of my shower was to see so many ladies I don't normally get to see. When we have been home recently, the trips have been a whirlwind and it has been hard to catch up with people. But this was nice to be able to have lunch and visit with everyone. Plus little squirt got some pretty nice things :) I am so thankful for all the hard work my Aunt put into making such a special day for Adam, baby, and I. I certainly will cherish the fun we had!
Dan and Amanda's Wedding
This past weekend my cousin Dan got married! He and Amanda looked so happy and their wedding was absolutely beautiful! This was our last trip to Cleveland before our baby girl comes. It was great to get to see family for the second time in a month. What a blessing that we have had so much to celebrate together this summer/fall. I can't believe we're the next big milestone event! :) Here are some pictures from the wedding!
Dan and Amand saying their vows!
The happy couple!! :)
Adam, Me, Karen, and Bobby at the reception! I was so excited because during dinner at the reception Karen got to feel baby girl move like crazy! :)
32 Weeks
I don't want to give up on my chalkboard, but it has been so hard to find time to do it. Work has been especially hectic this past week and we were gone this past weekend to Cleveland for my cousin's wedding and my baby shower. I hope life starts to slow down for a few weeks before it revs back up with our little one's arrival. We just seem to be in a season of craziness. Hopefully things will start to settle down at work for me and our evening schedule won't be so jammed packed. So without further a do here is my bathroom mirror selfie! Haha :)
How far along? 32 weeks
Total weight gain: Up 26 pounds
Maternity clothes? Yep!
Stretch marks? nope, not on my belly!
Sleep: This is the first week that I have started to feel big. I found that I am moving slower and slower and that is making me sleepy!
Best Moment This Week: There were so many great moments this week! I had a wonderful baby shower and Adam and I had our first baby class. The class made me excited and nervous. Going through the exercises and learning about what labor is going to be like has made everything seem so much more real. Plus Adam and I were in the class with one other couple. We got individualized attention, which was good and bad. My mom told me to sneak to the bathroom during the birth video so that I could just have my own experience and not have to watch anyone else's...but I couldn't being that there were only four of us plus the nurse.
Miss Anything? nope!
Movement: Yes! I love feeling her move!
Food cravings: Milk and Chocolate
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing really!Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: nothing!
Symptoms: Feeling a little crampy and tired. But I really can't complain!
Belly Button in or out? Flat!!
Wedding rings on or off? Off :( I have been wearing them as a necklace this past week.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, though I can cry at the drop of a hat. I hate that right now. I am normal a very composed person.
Looking forward to: Seeing my baby girl and kissing her sweet little cheeks!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Weeks 30 and 31
Last week got a way from me so fast! Since I wasn't able to do a 30 week blog I'll hit the highlights.
We had our 30 week appointment last Monday. The doctor said the baby was doing great and that she is measuring 33 weeks. She's been big the whole time! This seems crazy because Adam and I were both 7 lb babies. I keep dreaming that I am going to give birth to a 25 lb. turkey. (Gotta love the crazy preggo dreams!) A student was with the doctor at my appointment and they disagreed if the baby was head down or not. The student said breech, the doctor said head down. I am going to trust the doctor. The doctor also said that she was planning on delivering me November 10, unless something changes as we get closer. That's a week before my due date! Crazy! We go back September 27th. I can't believe how fast it's all starting to go.
Here are the updates for this week:
Gender: Girl
We had our 30 week appointment last Monday. The doctor said the baby was doing great and that she is measuring 33 weeks. She's been big the whole time! This seems crazy because Adam and I were both 7 lb babies. I keep dreaming that I am going to give birth to a 25 lb. turkey. (Gotta love the crazy preggo dreams!) A student was with the doctor at my appointment and they disagreed if the baby was head down or not. The student said breech, the doctor said head down. I am going to trust the doctor. The doctor also said that she was planning on delivering me November 10, unless something changes as we get closer. That's a week before my due date! Crazy! We go back September 27th. I can't believe how fast it's all starting to go.
Here are the updates for this week:
How far along? 31 weeks
Total weight gain: Up 25 pounds
Maternity clothes? Yep!
Stretch marks? nope, not on my belly!
Sleep: Work and life have been so busy lately that I have been SO tired at the end of the day. When I get home, I make dinner and head straight to bed. When I get to stay up on the weekends, I have trouble sleeping. Who knows...
Best Moment This Week: Painting the monogram for baby girls room and scheduling our maternity photos. I am so excited for both!
Miss Anything? Having energy! I feel like I can't focus on anything anymore :/
Movement: Yes! She is moving all the time. She especially likes to stretch where I can see her bum up in the air. It's hilarious!
Food cravings: Milk :)
Anything making you queasy or sick: ChickenGender: Girl
Labor Signs: Just Braxton Hicks every once in a while.
Symptoms: Leg cramps, heart burn, and sleepiness
Belly Button in or out? Flat!!
Wedding rings on or off? Off :( I really miss wearing my rings
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody due to exhaustion. I still LOVE being pregnant and preparing for this little one.
Looking forward to: My showers and seeing family this weekend. Adam and I also have our first baby class this week! Yay!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
When You Don't Expect the Unexpected
This post may be more raw, long, and not as cheery as what I try to post on here. I just don't think I could let today go by without thinking about the baby I carry in my heart. One year ago today was probably the worst day of my life. I still remember the details of the day so clearly, so vividly.
My day started with me trying to leave for work. I was excited to get going because as soon as the day got started at work, the closer I would be to seeing my baby for the first time on the ultrasound. I went out to the car and tried to turn it on and the car wouldn't start. I sat there trying over and over to get the car started. The engine wouldn't turn, the battery was dead. I went in the house and told Adam that the car was dead in the driveway. He told me to take his car and leave work early so I could pick him up for the appointment. I off-roaded Adam's car around my car in the driveway and thought "It's okay, today can only get better!" I was 10 minutes into my drive when I drove through a torrential down pour. Again I thought, "It's okay, today will only get better!"
I remember getting to work, going to a staff meeting, and walking across campus with my co-worker, Sandy, brimming with excitement about going to the doctor for the first time as a newly pregnant mama. I told her about the dead car battery and how thankful I was that I had something to look forward to that day. We got back to the office and the nurse called to get all my information to save the doctor some time. I closed my door so nobody would know I was pregnant and started to share with her my medical history. "See you this afternoon, Mrs. Vodicka" was how our conversation ended. 10:54 a.m. I was leaving at 11:00. My ultrasound was at 12:30.
I drove home, got Adam, and we laughed and planned for what we would do after the appointment to celebrate the baby. Maybe we'd have lunch and go pick out a teddy bear. It was all so exciting.
We got to the office and were called back right away. They started the ultrasound externally and told me they were going to have to get a better look. I needed to change for the internal ultrasound. I came back and the ultrasound tech started looking again. Her expression was cold, concerned, and she was silent. I felt like she was ruining my moment. I wanted to see the baby and to see some emotion other than concern on her face. She asked me how I was feeling. I asked her if she even saw a baby. She finally turned on the TV screen and showed Adam and I the baby. A perfect baby shaped baby, perfectly still, and upside down. Adam and I looked at each other and cried tears of joy. The ultrasound lady turned off the TV. No pictures, no words. I asked her if everything looked okay. All she said was the doctor would read us the report. I looked at her computer and saw the baby's gestational size was 9 weeks 2 days. We were 9 weeks and 4 days so I thought the baby was the right size. Why was she so mean?
We got back into see the doctor. It was my first time seeing this particular doctor and poor Adam's first experience with an OBGYN. She buzzed in, sat down, asked me how I was feeling, and answered all the new mommy questions I had Googled off pregnancy websites. Then she turned to me and said "During the ultrasound, we were not able to locate a heartbeat". Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. She said she would be back in a moment to do an exam and gave me time to change. Adam and I stared at each other. What did she mean? Could they find one later? What if we were to go back tomorrow and try again? Adam kept telling me it was okay while I sat there trying to figure out what she was trying to say. She came back in and started asking pretty pointed questions about cramping, bleeding, back pain... Adam stopped her and asked "How concerned about this should we be?" His eyes were filled with terror and for a minute, he looked like a little boy to me. He was wearing his Cleveland Cavaliers basketball t-shirt and the look of fear and panic, made him look so vulnerable and so not like the Adam that I was used to. She said about 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and started to tell me what to look for. But she also said we'd go back in two weeks to see if they could find the heartbeat. HOPE! I thought, surely they made a mistake and we'd go back and we'd see a heartbeat. She asked me a few questions about my family history related to miscarriage and told me I was going for blood work. We left the room, scheduled our appointment to go back 16 days later, and headed to the lab. We didn't say a word, we just held hands. The perfect day, the day that was only suppose to get better had turned out to be anything but.
Most of you know how our story ends. We went back, 16 days later only to confirm what we were most afraid of. September 22nd. Worst day ever #2. We saw the doctor that morning, she said surgery was needed that evening. She handed me the box of kleenex and that was it. They took us out a back door so we wouldn't walk through the waiting room upset. That night I went in, and then it was over. The road to healing had to begin.
We decided to celebrate our little baby that we only knew and hoped for for 11 weeks. Adam and I went and painted a flower pot for the baby. We named the baby "Naarya" which is hebrew for child of God. We never actually planted flowers in there but I did light a candle in the flower pot on April 7, our sweet baby's due date.
I know Adam and I aren't the first or last people to experience pregnancy loss, or any loss for that matter. For me the most difficult part was the shattered expectation. I had imagined being pregnant on my graduate school graduation, and finding out the baby's gender near Christmas. I thought about spring and the new life we would be welcoming when new life was awakening in nature. I had a friend who was pregnant and due near the same time as me, and I was devastated that I would watch her belly grow and blossom while I was without child. It all hurt so much. I tried to rationalize it all by repeating the bridge of 'Blessed Be Your Name'. You give and take away, You give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name. Then I realized that was bad theology and I just cried and shook my fist at God. Soon I realized that even in this heartache, that this would be another facet in my diamond of helping those through a difficult time.
As we prepare for baby girl, I can say that many of the decisions that I have made have been deeply meaningful and very intentional. When people have asked why we don't post about our pregnancy on Facebook, it is because I remember what sorrow I felt when I looked belly shots, ultrasound pictures, and happy pregnancies progressing without heartache. It's a personal thing for me, and nobody is right or wrong for choosing to post. Just a preference thing for me.
My Aunt Patti is throwing my baby shower for my family. When we were talking about dates she mentioned September 22nd because it was the day after my cousin Danny was getting married. We thought about other days in fear that the weekend might get complicated. What I didn't tell her was how much that day means to me. One year after having a D&C alone in a hospital with Adam, I am so thankful that I will be with the women in my life that mean so much to me while celebrating the LIFE growing inside of me. I can't even express how humbled I am to have the opportunity to be carrying our little girl and to one year later be celebrating her on what was one of the hardest days of my life.
I have wondered with this pregnancy if I could ever love our baby girl. If it would be safe to allow myself to get excited. How do I protect my heart while bonding with the little one growing inside me? I decided that to get caught up in my what if's and not allow myself to love my little baby would be to limit the profound and deep love that God has for me. This pregnancy has been so wonderful in the ways that it has taught me to love, grow, and surrender. God continues to shape my identity as a mother. I can't say that I am fearless, and that each trip to the doctor is a breeze, but I am certainly grateful that God has allowed me to let go and surrender to Him and His goodness. Despite the pain of the last year, I am overwhelmed with the gratitude of the blessing to be, thankful for the experiences I've had, and striving to be the best mama I can.
My day started with me trying to leave for work. I was excited to get going because as soon as the day got started at work, the closer I would be to seeing my baby for the first time on the ultrasound. I went out to the car and tried to turn it on and the car wouldn't start. I sat there trying over and over to get the car started. The engine wouldn't turn, the battery was dead. I went in the house and told Adam that the car was dead in the driveway. He told me to take his car and leave work early so I could pick him up for the appointment. I off-roaded Adam's car around my car in the driveway and thought "It's okay, today can only get better!" I was 10 minutes into my drive when I drove through a torrential down pour. Again I thought, "It's okay, today will only get better!"
I remember getting to work, going to a staff meeting, and walking across campus with my co-worker, Sandy, brimming with excitement about going to the doctor for the first time as a newly pregnant mama. I told her about the dead car battery and how thankful I was that I had something to look forward to that day. We got back to the office and the nurse called to get all my information to save the doctor some time. I closed my door so nobody would know I was pregnant and started to share with her my medical history. "See you this afternoon, Mrs. Vodicka" was how our conversation ended. 10:54 a.m. I was leaving at 11:00. My ultrasound was at 12:30.
I drove home, got Adam, and we laughed and planned for what we would do after the appointment to celebrate the baby. Maybe we'd have lunch and go pick out a teddy bear. It was all so exciting.
We got to the office and were called back right away. They started the ultrasound externally and told me they were going to have to get a better look. I needed to change for the internal ultrasound. I came back and the ultrasound tech started looking again. Her expression was cold, concerned, and she was silent. I felt like she was ruining my moment. I wanted to see the baby and to see some emotion other than concern on her face. She asked me how I was feeling. I asked her if she even saw a baby. She finally turned on the TV screen and showed Adam and I the baby. A perfect baby shaped baby, perfectly still, and upside down. Adam and I looked at each other and cried tears of joy. The ultrasound lady turned off the TV. No pictures, no words. I asked her if everything looked okay. All she said was the doctor would read us the report. I looked at her computer and saw the baby's gestational size was 9 weeks 2 days. We were 9 weeks and 4 days so I thought the baby was the right size. Why was she so mean?
We got back into see the doctor. It was my first time seeing this particular doctor and poor Adam's first experience with an OBGYN. She buzzed in, sat down, asked me how I was feeling, and answered all the new mommy questions I had Googled off pregnancy websites. Then she turned to me and said "During the ultrasound, we were not able to locate a heartbeat". Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. She said she would be back in a moment to do an exam and gave me time to change. Adam and I stared at each other. What did she mean? Could they find one later? What if we were to go back tomorrow and try again? Adam kept telling me it was okay while I sat there trying to figure out what she was trying to say. She came back in and started asking pretty pointed questions about cramping, bleeding, back pain... Adam stopped her and asked "How concerned about this should we be?" His eyes were filled with terror and for a minute, he looked like a little boy to me. He was wearing his Cleveland Cavaliers basketball t-shirt and the look of fear and panic, made him look so vulnerable and so not like the Adam that I was used to. She said about 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and started to tell me what to look for. But she also said we'd go back in two weeks to see if they could find the heartbeat. HOPE! I thought, surely they made a mistake and we'd go back and we'd see a heartbeat. She asked me a few questions about my family history related to miscarriage and told me I was going for blood work. We left the room, scheduled our appointment to go back 16 days later, and headed to the lab. We didn't say a word, we just held hands. The perfect day, the day that was only suppose to get better had turned out to be anything but.
Most of you know how our story ends. We went back, 16 days later only to confirm what we were most afraid of. September 22nd. Worst day ever #2. We saw the doctor that morning, she said surgery was needed that evening. She handed me the box of kleenex and that was it. They took us out a back door so we wouldn't walk through the waiting room upset. That night I went in, and then it was over. The road to healing had to begin.
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| I guess I have always had a bird thing going on with babies. We painted a momma bird flying to the baby in the nest. The daddy bird is looking over his family. |
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| Naarya- meaning Child of God |
As we prepare for baby girl, I can say that many of the decisions that I have made have been deeply meaningful and very intentional. When people have asked why we don't post about our pregnancy on Facebook, it is because I remember what sorrow I felt when I looked belly shots, ultrasound pictures, and happy pregnancies progressing without heartache. It's a personal thing for me, and nobody is right or wrong for choosing to post. Just a preference thing for me.
My Aunt Patti is throwing my baby shower for my family. When we were talking about dates she mentioned September 22nd because it was the day after my cousin Danny was getting married. We thought about other days in fear that the weekend might get complicated. What I didn't tell her was how much that day means to me. One year after having a D&C alone in a hospital with Adam, I am so thankful that I will be with the women in my life that mean so much to me while celebrating the LIFE growing inside of me. I can't even express how humbled I am to have the opportunity to be carrying our little girl and to one year later be celebrating her on what was one of the hardest days of my life.
I have wondered with this pregnancy if I could ever love our baby girl. If it would be safe to allow myself to get excited. How do I protect my heart while bonding with the little one growing inside me? I decided that to get caught up in my what if's and not allow myself to love my little baby would be to limit the profound and deep love that God has for me. This pregnancy has been so wonderful in the ways that it has taught me to love, grow, and surrender. God continues to shape my identity as a mother. I can't say that I am fearless, and that each trip to the doctor is a breeze, but I am certainly grateful that God has allowed me to let go and surrender to Him and His goodness. Despite the pain of the last year, I am overwhelmed with the gratitude of the blessing to be, thankful for the experiences I've had, and striving to be the best mama I can.
Monday, September 3, 2012
29 Weeks & Updates
I can hardly believe we are 11 weeks from our due date! What seemed like it was taking forever now seems like it is going too fast! I had my 28 week check-up and glucose screen last Monday. Everybody I ever knew has talked about the infamous "orange drink" you get when you go for the screen. I was bracing myself for orange or fruit punch when I got a curve ball, lemon-lime!! It wasn't nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be! Tastes like a melted popsicle.
I ended up waiting a LONG time to see the doctor. I was a little nervous because the sugar rush I got from the drink made me feel a little bit sick. When they called me back they noticed my heart was racing so I got to rest in the "procedure room". I ended up getting my flu shot and blood drawn and then I got to see the doctor. Baby girl was great!! :) Her heartbeat was 141 and I am measuring 30 weeks. She said they like plus or minus 3 on the fundal height. I am so thankful baby is doing well and growing so well.
Adam and I also got some of the nursery together this week. We hung up the mirror we bought baby girl and her dresser is starting to fill with some clothes. I love seeing Adam get excited about getting her room ready!
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| The dresser was my dad's and then it was Karen's. I am excited for a third generation to get some use out of it. As you can see baby girl's crib is filled with everything we don't know what to do with yet. |
Here are the updates for this week:
How far along? 29 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain: The official weight gain at the doctors office this week was 24 pounds. The doctor said I was doing great and that most of the weight I have gained is just in my belly. Hooray!
Maternity clothes? Yep!
Stretch marks? Not on the belly. My belly is getting really itchy though.
Sleep: I am so happy that I have been sleeping as well as I have. I found out I was anemic this week, so I am guessing that is why I have been a sleeping champ!
Best Moment This Week: Washing our first load of baby clothes. We have picked up somethings here and there and we were given a TON of clothes from a lady at church. I am so thankful! It was fun to wash everything and sort all the different sizes. Adam and I had a blast imagining her in some of the little outfits.
Miss Anything? Sleeping on my belly.
Anything making you queasy or sick: not really! I was feeling a bit sick this past week, but I think it had more to do with getting the flu shot than the baby.
Gender: Girl
Movement: Yes! Adam and I laid in bed the other night watching her move all around. It is amazing and I know when I am not pregnant anymore that I will miss it so much!
Food cravings: Milk and my FAVORITE fall treat ever:
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| Caramel Apples! They were back in the store this week! WAHOO! |
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Nope :)
Symptoms: Just keep getting charlie horses. I have tried milk, bananas, gatorade, walking, stretching...It's just one of those things. Other than that, I am feeling so great.
Belly Button in or out? Flat!!
Wedding rings on or off? I have had them off and on this week. I feel like when I put them back on I am pushing my luck. I just try and take them off when I am feeling cold.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!!
Looking forward to: Going back to the doctor next Monday and getting more of the nursery together.
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